Waxed
by Blulili
Summary: One shot SQ crack! Based around season 4. Regina is going on a date with Robin but needs to sort things out beforehand. Read on for silliness and awkward moments.


**A/N Just a silly SQ idea I couldn't get out of my head. Based on first hand experience! Ouch!**

"So Regina, I was wondering if we might go out for a spot of dinner, a movie and, who knows where the night might take us." Robin grinned. He had been dating Regina for a little over a month and he was horny as fuck. He couldn't wait to get to know her intimately. It was driving him crazy.

Regina shrugged. "Yes Robin, I would love to go out on a proper date with you."

"Excellent! So can you pick me up by the woods, let's say about 7?"

Robin didn't have any of the modern means of transport and was still getting used to the mechanical contraptions that were roaming around Storybrook's streets. He had no idea how uncavalier it was in this modern world to ask a lady to come to him.

Regina sighed. She had hoped for a little more romance but Tinkerbell was adamant that this was her soul mate. She supposed that in the enchanted forest he might have offered to pick her up in a nice chariot but then he was far from home and not yet acustomed to modern living, so she turned a blind eye.

She hadn't had sex for years now and she was a little nervous about what he had implied in conversation. She was a bit surprised he had been so forthcoming about his intentions. Back in the enchanted forest he would have never dared suggest such a thing to a Queen. Regina wasn't sure she was ready or if tonight was even going to be the night. Something about him made her skin crawl. Maybe it was the smell of mud and horse shit that seemed to follow him everywhere. She hoped he would make an effort and take a shower for their date tonight.

Regina finished work at the mayor's office at 5pm. She drove to Cinderella's beauty salon with the intention of getting prepped for the evening.

"Think you can squeeze me in for a wax, Ashley?" She asked the young girl.

"Sorry, Ms. Mills. I've got a mother and baby meeting now and if this little one doesn't get to hear the hello song, he won't settle all night." Ashley apologised half heartedly with the infant bouncing on her hip.

Regina smiled civilly and left the salon. God these sycophants made her stomach turn! All they ever did was coo over each other's babies and make up silly, upbeat songs to try and kid themselves they were happy with their boring little lives. She felt a pang of guilt, remembering she was supposed to like these people and be turning over a new leaf. _Oh well,_ she thought to herself, _they can't police my thoughts._

Regina was annoyed. She really did need a wax, just in case. Things were a little overgrown down below and even if she wasn't sure she wanted to sleep with Robin, she at least wanted to feel a little sexier. She looked around the street and saw Madam Mim's pharmacy. She'd heard about this home waxing kit a few months ago and thought she'd give it a go. _How hard can it be, right?_ She thought to herself.

The bell rang as Regina entered the shop and Madam Mim came bouncing out from behind the counter.

"Ms. Mills! Lovely to see you dear. How can I help you today? Any special potions or spells I can interest you in?"

Regina rolled her eyes. As if she would ever go to this crazy old bat for magic help.

"No, Madam Mim. Nothing magical as such. I believe you carry Ripper's Easy Wax, do you have it in stock?" she asked.

"Oh yes! I do! I just had a delivery this morning and I must say it has been selling like hot cakes. Seems to be very popular with the modern Princesses. Is it for you?" She asked cheekily.

"That is slightly unprofessional Madam Mim." Regina scolded but allowed a blush to creep over her cheeks. She really didn't want the town's gossip to know about her intentions for the evening or her preferred method of depilation. "Just give me a pot and I'll be on my way." She snapped in annoyance.

Regina drove home, parked up outside the mansion and took her purchase to the kitchen. "Instructions, instructions, aha!" She said to herself and read from the back of the box.

"Heat in microwave for one minute and stirr." She looked around the kitchen and huffed. She didn't own a microwave. She believed cooking was an art not to be diminished by convenience. She waved her hands and poofed a microwave onto the countertop in front of her. Exceptions would have to be made for beauty procedures it would seem.

She took the pot out after the timer pinged and began stirring. The wax was steaming and runny. She was a little nervous about it going anywhere near her sensitive parts but she laughed at her aprehension. _Back in the enchanted forest I subjected myself to a lot worse torture than that and I derived pleasure from it!_ It was true, Regina had a few kinks back in the day that would have shocked even the most enlightened sadomasochists.

"Allow wax to cool to a comfortable temperature." Regina took the pot upstairs and made her way into the ensuite of her bedroom. She undressed from the waist down and sat on the side of the bath tub to read the next instruction.

"Spread a thin layer over the desired area using the wooden spatula and wait 30 seconds for the wax to harden then rip off in the opposite direction of the hair growth."

Regina began with a small area on her inner thigh. "Piece of cake!" She beamed, wondering why she had bothered paying for someone else to do this, and living through the embarrassment of the ordeal for most of her modern life.

Confidently, she continued her assault and tackled the main area. Things were going pretty well until suddenly a bit of wax got well and truly stuck. It wasn't quite hardened and the position meant she couldn't reach it from any angle. She tried and tried but it was no use. She waddled around the bathroom trying to find a mirror or something so she could see what was going on. "Fuck!" She yelled in frustration. It was painfully close to her entrance and the skin was just too sensitive to pull on. She slumped against the bathroom door, exhausted and panicked. _What the hell am I going to do?_

She considered calling Ashley over but remembered she was at the mother and baby meeting and she was sure they would all have a good laugh about her predicament, especially Snow! She was kicking herself for not being nicer to the women in town then she had an idea. She grabbed her phone and dialled the number that she had memorized at some point over the last few years.

"Hey Regina, what's up?" Came the voice on the other end.

"Emma, I need your help with something." She said reluctantly. They were friends now, she supposed, but she was still loathed to admit that she needed Emma Swan to save her yet again.

Emma was panicking.

"Where are you Regina? At home? Is Henry ok?" She babbled.

"Yes, Henry is fine. Yes, I'm at home but.." Emma interrupted her which frustrated Regina even more.

"Ok I'll be there in a second!" Emma blurted out before Regina could scream,

"No! Don't come over! I just need you to tell me..." but it was too late. The line was dead and Emma had gone.

...

Emma poofed herself over to the front of the Mayor's mansion and debated knocking on the door. She thought it best to let herself in and she went inside with her gun clutched tightly in her hands. She surveyed the area and began searching all the rooms. There was nobody there. She went upstairs and checked Henry's room. Nothing. Finally she knocked on Regina's bedroom door and called out, "Regina, are you in there? What's going on?" As she entered cautiously.

Regina heard the saviour's voice and felt her face flush. What had she been thinking calling Emma? It was just like her to come bounding over to rescue her without a second thought for her own safety.

She sighed. "Yes, I am here and if you had let me finish, I would have told you not to come barging over!" Emma saw that Regina wasn't in her room but the bathroom door was pulled closed.

"Sorry, I just, I panicked. You sounded pretty upset on the phone. Wanna talk?" She asked leaning up against the bathroom door.

Regina swallowed her pride and began.  
"Please don't laugh Emma. I just, well, I was trying out Ripper's Easy Wax and things seem to have gotten a little stuck and I don't know how to get it off."

Emma laughed loudly. She couldn't help it! The thought of Regina panicking about not being able to get wax off just tickled her.

"Sorry, Regina but that's a relief! I thought I was gonna have to rescue you from another Dragon or Wraith or something!" She joked.

"I told you not to laugh!" Regina spat, feeling ridiculously silly already. "Just tell me how I can get the damn stuff off!"

"Ok where is it? On your legs? Did you baby powder up before you applied it?" Emma asked through the door with a grin.

"Regina?"

"No it isn't on my legs! And no, I didn't know i was supposed to put baby powder on first. The instructions didn't say anything about god damn baby powder." She huffed.

Emma grinned wider. Crap! She could feel Regina's pain. If she had gone too close it would be almost impossible to get the wax off without help.

"Let me in. I can help you." She said trying to straighten her face.

"Are you crazy? You are not seeing me in this state!" Regina's jaw dropped.

"Gina, stop being a baby! You don't have anything I haven't seen before and besides, you're gonna need my help if you wanna get that wax off! Trust me! I've been in the same predicament once before."

Regina grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her waist. Honestly, right now, the embarrassment of Emma seeing her this way was much less damaging than the current pain and frustration she was feeling. She opened the door and let Emma in shyly.

"Let me see then." Emma said nodding at the towel. Regina took a deep breath and looked skywards and dropped the only thing that was covering her modesty. Emma licked her lips. She had always wondered what was going on under the mayor's pencil skirts and those thighs were just as gorgeous as she imagined. She inspected the damage Regina had done to herself.

"Jees Regina! You really should have trimmed first you know." Emma stated as if everyone knew the ins and outs of waxing.  
"Got any scissors in here?"

"Top drawer." Regina said quietly. It all felt a bit too surreal. Here was Emma Swan, the saviour, knelt in front of a half naked Regina about to trim her. Emma seemed to sense the atmosphere was getting a little too intense and she tried to lighten the mood.

"So I take it you have a big date tonight huh?" As she went about snipping out the worst of the wax offenders.

Regina welcomed the conversation.  
"Yes, Robin is taking me for dinner and a movie. We've been dating a month. I think things seem to be heading in the right direction."

Emma pondered for a moment. Regina didn't seem too enthusiastic about her date but maybe that was just because of her current predicament. She giggled to herself.

"Emma, if you're going to keep laughing down there I will give you something to laugh about." Regina sassed. Even with her legs wide open, undressed from the waist down and hands on hips, Emma had to admire her composure.

"Hey sorry Regina but it is kinda funny when you think about it. I mean, you do realise this is Robin Hood you're doing this for?" Emma said trying to keep a straight face. "You know the guy who lives in the woods? Pretty sure he's used to navigating forests!"

Regina giggled then full on belly laughed and Emma was rolling hysterically on the bathroom floor. It was so good to hear Regina laugh unabashedly.

After the pair had composed themselves a little, Emma carried on chopping away but she couldn't stay serious for long.

"Hey Gina, remember when I hacked down your apple tree? Bet you never thought I'd be hacking away at your bush too, did you?!"

Regina was crying with laughter as she dwelled on the irony of the situation.

"Please, just stop! I am not comfortable with you making jokes whilst holding a pair of scissors!"

"Hey it's cool, I'm done I think. I got most of it, but erm, seriously, you aren't rocking the half plucked look." Emma sat back and inspected the state of Regina's intimate region. "Want me to even it out?" She asked hopefully.

Regina grabbed a mirror and looked at the mess. It was horrific! She looked like she had been in an accident and slammed the mirror back down closing her eyes.

"Just get it over with Emma!"

Emma jumped up off the floor and grabbed the pot of wax. "I'll just go and reheat this. Be right back." And she was gone.

A few minutes later she returned and began gently applying the warm substance to Regina who was looking a little flustered. Emma's hands were tantalizingly close to her sweet spot and she had to admit she was a bit turned on. She'd had countless waxes over the years but never seen it as anything but a painful and inconvenient experience. Emma was making this something almost pleasurable.

"Regina, I'm gonna need you to hold the skin flat for this part and put your foot on the side of the tub." Emma told the woman stood over her in as business like a tone as she could manage.

Regina obliged and spread herself the way Emma had asked. She was enjoying being exposed to this woman and could feel that Emma was also taking a little longer with the process than was required.

"Oh God, Emma! Just do it already!" She screamed as she was in a very uncomfortable position and if she pulled it off too slowly, she might actually cry out in pain.

Henry had just come home after meeting some friend's after school. He headed up to his room and was about to go in when he heard his Mom and Ma's voices in the bedroom. He walked in saying, "Ma, Mom what are you.." he stopped in shock as he took in the sight in front of him.

Emma was knelt on the floor with her hands doing God knows what to his Mom who was standing half naked with one leg up on the side of the tub. Thank Christ his Ma's head was covering some of his view.

"Ready?" Emma asked

"Oh yeah! Just do it already!" Regina exclaimed.

"Ah, jees! I don't wanna see this! Ever heard of closing doors!" He yelled to which Regina and Emma turned around to look at the teenager sheepishly. He ran out of the room leaving the pair in a state of embarrassed shock.

"You don't think he thought we were..?" Regina started.

"Erm, yeah, I'm pretty sure he did!" Emma said in an amused tone and dropped her head into her hands giggling.

Regina decided to cancel her date with Robin. She wasn't in the mood after her ordeal and she invited Emma to stay for dinner. It was the least she could do after all the help the woman had given her that evening.

Henry was sat in the kitchen when the pair walked in grinning.

"Henry, I think you misunderstood what was happening upstairs." Regina began with a smile.

"Mom, Ma, it's cool! Seriously. I've always known you two would end up together so it's fine, you don't have to explain. Just please, lock the doors if you're gonna be doing adult stuff!" Henry said scrunching up his face.

Regina's eyes shot wide open.  
"What do you mean, you always knew we would be together? Do you think there is something going on between Emma and I?"

Emma looked between Henry and Regina expectantly. Hell, even she knew there was some chemistry between them but it seemed Regina had really never entertained the thought.

"Well yeah, duh Mom! The whole town knows that you and Emma are each other's happily ever after!"

"Really?" Regina mused and gave a small laugh of realisation.

After dinner, Regina invited Emma for a drink in her living room and they sat chatting on the sofa.

"God what was I thinking going out with Robin!" Regina exclaimed.

Emma laughed, "yeah everybody was thinking the same thing. I think Tinkerbell was messing with you! Some kind of revenge for losing her wings!"

Regina giggled as she remembered what Henry had said. "So how do you feel about the whole town thinking we are dykes destined for each other?"

Emma put down her glass and rolled her eyes. "Well, I can think of a lot worse things than being shacked up with you Regina." She winked, "especially now I know exactly what you got going on!"

Regina picked up a cushion and threw it at Emma. "Oh really, Emma? Think you can handle all this, then bring it on!"

"Damn, woman! Thought you'd never ask!"


End file.
